Like the Phoenix, Rising from a Bowel Movement

Two weeks, twenty doctors, and countless pudding cups later, I am reborn, emancipated from hospitalization. While I can’t quite say I’ve a clean bill of health, let it be known, I no longer feel as though I’ve swallowed a nest of africanized, saber-toothed, fire bees. Which is to say, “Thanks, guys, I do feel better.”

Speaking of thanks, —WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE DO, AND WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY?– I’d like to start out by letting you know, first hand, that I am altogether nonplussed, amazed, and flattered that you, the forum dwelling, video watching denizens of internetdome, have banded together to chip away at the debt I’ve accrued while in the hospital. Not to mention, the slew of well wishes I’ve received via blog comment, MySpace message, email, video, and other, have raised my spirits to such a hight that I’m pretty sure I’ve shuffled off my mortal coil, and ascended to a new plane of existence. A plane where the things I do on the internet garner some kind of gratification. I’m pretty sure this is how tubgirl felt, when she finally got that 56k modem.

I wish to share with you some good news, along with some bad news. The bad news is that I’ve still no diagnoses as to why my intestine are marred with scar tissue, and my bowel has been chronically obstructed. This means that I’ve still more expensive outpatient procedures to undergo, and may still need hospitalization. The good news is that I’d applied for Medicare, prior to being hospitalized, and cannot be billed for my emergency care from any New York state hospital. That means I’ve no medical bills to pay from my two most recent Hospital stays. The wonders of modern American bureaucracy at work, folks. So, with the money raised via this site, I can afford the outpatient care needed to diagnose my ailment, and stabilizing myself, financially, while out of work. Dunk yeah, ninjas! We’ve won!

Of course, this is all going to come back to you tenfold. Albeit non-monetarily, I’m going to return the favor so hard, you’re going to need surgery. All of you. WebMD can’t help you here. My muse has been found, and her name is PayPal. After my recovery+, I’m going to be defenestrating pre-exploded sharks, jumping out of highly explosive dirigibles, and wrestling lazers, before they explode. And, after my rehabilitation is complete, I’m going to start making more videos.

Videos for the internet.

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22 responses to “Like the Phoenix, Rising from a Bowel Movement

  1. That is excellent to here, I am glad we could return the the favor that you gave us in an emotional way. I would like to ask if you beaten Zack and Wiki yet? Two months of sitting around the house you can get some serious gaming on 🙂

    Also I was curious if you heard about my “fund raiser” for you at DP, a Brawl Tourney to get rid of some of my crap and fund some coin for you. If you can’t make it I completely understand, I just hope someone via the internets can so I could get the money into your hands quicker…oh well. Best of luck and get well soon.

  2. glad you’re feeling better… hope to see you soon!

  3. Thank you for not dying. That sounds really crass, but there is no better way to put it. I’m glad you’re alive and….not WELL persay. I’m glad you’re alive and better than dead! Get well, come back Vegeta-strong with a new costume and brand new moves. You’re the best…AROUUUUUUUUUND!

    Getting your intenstines blocked up is totally steam punk.

  4. Good news. I am glad to you are out of danger. It sucks not to know why your innards are so screwed up though.

    Four years ago I was working for a shady home improvements company when I had to have my appendix out. I had been paying for insurance for months yet somehow I was not covered at all.

    …Knowing that I might have not been able get Medicare or any other insurance was nerve wracking. Eventually I did get covered by the insurance I was paying for.

    Hopefully people donated enough money for you to find out what the hell went wrong and for you to get back to 100%.

  5. Thanks for keeping us updated. Keep healing, we need our entertainment fix!

  6. wrestling…lazers?
    that might be the coolest thing i’ve ever heard of.

  7. Score, man! You pulled through, and all I can say is that I’m glad. I haven’t checked the web since last week, so I had no progress reports and was worried.
    But now I see that you’ve come back with a Riley Punch!!! to your medical bills! Let us rejoice with a pinata loaded with quarters and an arcade next door!

  8. Wow.
    What more can I say other then that? Mr. Devon Riley is probably the most epic character/man/super-actor ever. Glad to hear your bowels are almost all settled out, and cannot wait until your reappearance on the internets!

  9. Rest up Devon, they can rebuild you! You can be better! Faster! Stronger! NES shall return as– Bionic Commando!

  10. I know what you are going through, I also suffer from intestinal conditions; not as bad though, but I know how horrible the abdominal aches get.
    I hope you get better soon, you’ve got my donation.

    Pardon my english, i’m not a native speaker :p

  11. Just wan to wish you a quick and painless recovery and hope to see you again at Digital Press in the future….and don’t forget…about the…….THUNDERBOLT!!!

  12. May the road to recovery continue to go well. Get well soon.

  13. Glad to see you better, mr.Riley – and in such high spirits, too. I have absolutely no worry that you’ll do exactly what you set out to do, since you seem like a person that is highly devoted to your craft.

    And in a way, I think that explains perfectly what has occured here. I think people chose to repay -you- for what you have given them, with all the time and effort put to reach out and entertain them.

    Recover well, and best wishes to you!

  14. goddamnit man, I feel dumb for not contacting you…I’m glad your okay, say while you are recovering why don’t you hang at my new place for a few days, food is on me!!

  15. Glad to hear you’re better. I hope it doesn’t take too long until they diagnose whatever is messing up your intestines. And that they kick its ass really hard when they know what it is.
    Rock on, Devon. Best wishes.

  16. You’re worth every cent, Devon. Get better soon and I can’t wait to see you back in front of the camera.

  17. Wow…. It is really good to hear that your doing better though, speaking of which, coldguy is going to be doing a Super Smash Bros. Brawl tourney for you at this month’s NAVA. Should be a good time.

    Talk to you later dudeeeeeeeee

  18. Awesome news! I can’t wait hear tales of your legendary shark defenestrations and laser wrestling. Be well, buddy!

  19. I just wanted to say that only this week did I start watching Captain S. Had I known about Devon’s problem before I would have donated as much as I could, because he’s a great guy. I’m glad you’re okay Devon. Good luck on the road of recovery.

  20. Good luck with the outpatient therapy. You’re in my thoughts, bro.

  21. Stand strong, Devon.

  22. I sent you money to help you. I hope that you can now see the danger of a non public and non universal health care system. I’m 100% with you and hope you get well, I also hope you’ll understand why the people need a universal health care system.

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