Author Archives: devonriley

Dermis Be Damned; I’m Sticking Something in There

Now, I’ve my fair share of orifices, but this new one is a mite disconcerting. You see, I’ve run into something of a post-surgical complication. A hematoma, below my naval, caused a portion of my stitching to open up. So, what the golf ball sized hole in my abdomen is trying to tell you, is that I’ll need a few weeks of extra recovery time. While doing everything in my power to get back up to fighting form, the only question that remains is whether to use my new found abdominal chasm to house a Tamagotchi, or a Krang figure.

I’m thinking Krang figure.

Like the Phoenix, Rising from a Bowel Movement

Two weeks, twenty doctors, and countless pudding cups later, I am reborn, emancipated from hospitalization. While I can’t quite say I’ve a clean bill of health, let it be known, I no longer feel as though I’ve swallowed a nest of africanized, saber-toothed, fire bees. Which is to say, “Thanks, guys, I do feel better.”

Speaking of thanks, —WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE DO, AND WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY?– I’d like to start out by letting you know, first hand, that I am altogether nonplussed, amazed, and flattered that you, the forum dwelling, video watching denizens of internetdome, have banded together to chip away at the debt I’ve accrued while in the hospital. Not to mention, the slew of well wishes I’ve received via blog comment, MySpace message, email, video, and other, have raised my spirits to such a hight that I’m pretty sure I’ve shuffled off my mortal coil, and ascended to a new plane of existence. A plane where the things I do on the internet garner some kind of gratification. I’m pretty sure this is how tubgirl felt, when she finally got that 56k modem.

I wish to share with you some good news, along with some bad news. The bad news is that I’ve still no diagnoses as to why my intestine are marred with scar tissue, and my bowel has been chronically obstructed. This means that I’ve still more expensive outpatient procedures to undergo, and may still need hospitalization. The good news is that I’d applied for Medicare, prior to being hospitalized, and cannot be billed for my emergency care from any New York state hospital. That means I’ve no medical bills to pay from my two most recent Hospital stays. The wonders of modern American bureaucracy at work, folks. So, with the money raised via this site, I can afford the outpatient care needed to diagnose my ailment, and stabilizing myself, financially, while out of work. Dunk yeah, ninjas! We’ve won!

Of course, this is all going to come back to you tenfold. Albeit non-monetarily, I’m going to return the favor so hard, you’re going to need surgery. All of you. WebMD can’t help you here. My muse has been found, and her name is PayPal. After my recovery+, I’m going to be defenestrating pre-exploded sharks, jumping out of highly explosive dirigibles, and wrestling lazers, before they explode. And, after my rehabilitation is complete, I’m going to start making more videos.

Videos for the internet.

State of the Colon

Awe, shucks, guys.